bailing

I knew I had to get in the raft
eventually
to try
to endure the changing landscape
and the river
I couldn't step in twice

With a false sense of hope,
I took the position
in the back
so I could be the one
who was steering

The morning version of myself
Tried to be practical
assessing my bathing suit
and hat
and sunglasses
With just enough mascara
to think it mattered;
the afternoon version of myself
was tired and dead
with enough makeup to not
look like myself

I thought I’d be safe in a group
of 6
but even that left me feeling odd
With people less interested
in keeping us afloat
than in throwing buckets of water,
bailing

Perhaps the occasional
drowned body
didn't bother them enough
to stop their fun

A well-place rock hit me
in the head
and landed at my feet

I imagine it would have been clearer
if I viewed its engraved message
from underwater
Where it was written

So I fell off
the back of the raft
and tried to see through
the mud;
my bucket floating past me,
with mermaids filling it
with more stones
for another day